


You can walk away / But you can't forget

by Arwyn



Category: due South
Genre: (briefly) - Freeform, (gendered slur), (slightly less briefly), Angsty Schmoop, Bisexuality, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Makeup Sex, POV Bisexual Character, Past Relationship(s), Slurs, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4449710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwyn/pseuds/Arwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Ray can tell when Fraser’s dreamed about her.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can walk away / But you can't forget

**Author's Note:**

> Immense ~~hatred~~ gratitude to HereEatThisKitten for inspiration, prodding, beta, and general evilness.
> 
> Title lyrics from Feeling Better, by Sugar.

Ray can tell when Fraser’s dreamed about her. He wakes up angry and horny, and unless it’s a rare Saturday they have off (Sunday is for taking Mrs Beaufort to church and the general store -- it only takes an extra minute Ray’s ass, that’s a whole day he loses every week to Fraser’s freakish courtesy), he stuffs it down, waits until that night, and then, _bam!_ It’s kinda like the times Fraser’s more in to women, wishes Ray were a different shape, a different feel (and that’s okay, Ray has days like that himself, and he just buries his face in Fraser’s smooth, soft belly, licks his way between Fraser’s warm thighs, and that’s enough), but harsher, meaner, colder and Fraser is so, so solicitous of him after. He pulls away and hates himself for days after, and Ray fucking hates that.

He’s okay being the stand-in for Victoria if that’s what Fraser needs (he’s more than okay with the woman-thing, but that’s another thing they never talk about, no matter that Ray wishes like hell they would, ‘cause if the freak would just admit it they could do some terrible and fun things in the bedroom, but no, stupid stoic Mountie thinks he can’t have what he wants), but the pulling away and thinking he has to deal with it by himself, thinking he can’t share, can’t rely on Ray to be his partner in this, the way they’re supposed to be everywhere, that part fucking pisses him off. (That stings and freaks him out, and he starts clinging more, and that’ll be the end of them someday, he’s sure.) And every time Ray hates Victoria a little more, but sometimes, just sometimes, he thinks she did the right thing getting out while he could, because damn, Fraser and his issues are gonna kill him one of these days.

 

***********

 

Ray brings the memory of Stella everywhere. She’s been in their home, their work, their leisure, their vacations, their plans for the future, and of course in their bedroom. There’s no part of their lives in which she hasn’t appeared, and as uncharitable a thought it is, Fraser can’t help wishing Ray had been a little less in love with her.

He feels her presence now nearly as another haunting. He knows what she liked, how she responded. He can deduce from Ray's habits and skills what her predilections were (and while he certainly can't blame her for enjoying Ray's tongue, Ray’s fingers, he feels he could strangle her in her sleep for making Ray think he had to do everything _right_ before allowing himself, nearly as an afterthought, his own pleasure).

He knows it's unkind, another way he fails his closest friend, but he never does manage to make it to Florida after the wedding, no matter how many times the Vecchio-Kowalskis issue their invitations. He doesn't think he could maintain appropriate decorum, knowing what he knows about her, nor proper civility, feeling how he feels towards her.

Chivalry, and the silence it dictates, exists for a _reason_ , and he dearly wishes Ray would learn its virtues.

 

***********

 

Smithbauer never shows up in their bed, not that Ray can tell, so it's kinda surprising when he shows up on their doorstep, hockey gear and stupid-ass smirk and handful of stories about "Bent" in tow.

He asks Fraser about it later. After the jealousy, after he stalked off to spend the night in the dog shed with a growl about enjoying the visiting bitch (and he's still surprised Fraser didn't just deport him after that), after Fraser came and found him and asked, in very polite Canadian, _what the ever-living fuck, Ray_ , after the goddamn-that-was-hot make-up sex ("there's no one's ass I want other than yours, Ray" and Ray knows it's a lie, but he also knows Fraser means it, and it feels good to hear, almost as good as Fraser pounding away in him, yanking him back, pulling and thrusting and just _taking_ , fuck, _yes_ ) -- after all that, Ray asks how come Smithbauer'd never shown up before? And he has to kinda admit to Fraser that he knew about Victoria -- and that'll come back later which is probably good but isn't going to be any kind of fun -- but when Fraser gets it, when he understands the question (when he's calmed down from his freak out that his freak outs about Vicky weren't nearly as secret as he'd thought they were), he just shrugs, and hugs Ray tighter, and says Mark wasn't important.

 

**********

 

And later still, much later, not after any particular event and with a definite and unfortunate lack of mind blowing (or any kind of blowing) beforehand, Ray asks whether he'll show up, y'know, if Fraser gets together with anyone else after, and Fraser puts down the dishtowel and stands Ray up and sounds almost angry as he says that if there were to be anyone else -- which he highly doubts, given that he will do everything in his power to make sure Ray lives a very healthy several more decades -- that the perhaps-unfortunate soul will know everything about Ray, absolutely _everything_ , and Ray thinks maybe he shouldn't feel so good about that, but he does.


End file.
